Music and Lyrics

I am giddy with gladness in my heart for my life. I have been in such a dark place and somehow, I have pulled myself back. I hope the light and joy I feel lasts. I think Iam a person who needs constant change and adventure...I got a bit of this, perhaps more than I can handle with the new position I acquired (working as a Tech in the ICU and on Med-Surg. in my community). I love to learn, and am excited about the knowlege I will obtain, but I know it will be an uphill road to get the proficiency and professionalism I need.

I am thinking of planning a small ceremony to re-state my wedding vows, because despite all the struggles I have had about and regarding my husband over the last two years, I still love him. He is my best friend and makes me laugh. This Summer will be our 15 year anniversary....I just want something very intimate with me and Ron and maybe a few close friends and family. It all depends on how my life goes the next 2 months.

When I reflect on my emotions, I surmise that I have bi-polar disorder. I have periods of lows so dark that all I want to do is die and then highs that make me giddy. I am trying to get this under control by implementing the right diet, exercise, and sleep regimen because I don't want to take pills for the problem for the rest of my life. I notice that the depression, self-loathing, and low confidence are more abundant when I am sleeping in the day and working graveyard shifts. I feel that part of the happiness is because I've been in training and up and awake during the day (even though I thought it would kill me because my natural tendency is to be a night owl, this may be why I am so happy....). Having serious things to consider, but the music and lyrics in my heart, on my mind, and touching my soul are youthful, exuberant, uplifting beats...