Only You...

"Lookin' from the window above, it's like a story of love..Can you hear me? Came back only yesterday I'm moving further away, want you near me... All I needed was the love you gave, all I needed for another day...and all I ever knew...Only you.

Sometimes when I think of her name when it's only a game and I need you...Listen to the words that you say it's getting harder to stay, when I see you...All I needed was the love you gave, all I needed for another day...and all I ever knew...Only you.

This is going to take a long time and I wonder what's mine...can't take no more. Wonder if you'll understand it's just the touch of your hand behind a closed door..... All I needed was the love you gave, all I needed for another day...and all I ever knew...Only you."

Unrequited love...it seems to be a constant in my life in one way or another. Recently, I feel I found someone who would have been my soul-mate in another place, another time. The reason I can't pursue this person is because we are both married to other people. People we love and care about and have bonds with....

I believe that one finds a soul-mate only once in a life time. I never thought I would find a soul- mate..SO, I married not my soul-mate but someone who is my best friend and who is a kindred spirit. This is not a BAD thing, but provides some complexity...especially now that I know there is the probability of a "soul-mate" for me. I will never be on that journey and know that bliss, which saddens me in many ways.

However, in my current relationship, there is much love there, but also much disappointment. My Spouse can't be everything I need him to be for me. I think that stems from the fact that we really aren't soul mates.

I am not saying my relationship is not good, it is...it just isn't the passionate, all consuming romance I had hoped I would find. I pray and hope what we have will be enough to last for a lifetime...thus far, it has been enough for 17 years and I hope it will continue, even though I think my heart, mind, and soul belong in another place...to another person.

I guess the connundrum for me is that for soul-mates to connect with the most depth, both have to be ready and available or the connection to happen, which will never be...not even in the form of a friendship. I wouldn't be comfortable devastating the life of someone who loves me and cares for me as deeply and with as strong of conviction as my Spouse can. So, I will hide from the knowledge that my soul-mate exists, run away from that friendship...hide from it, even. I'll go on and try to be as happy and content as possible, but I am feeling loss and a bit of sadness....